This is NOT an EMERGENCY!

*This is the author's attempt to creatively narrate his experiences in a storybook-like first person style. Some parts may be purely fictitious, while other parts are based on true events.

"...We must calculate the force acting on each....", no matter how hard I try, I never seem to be able to recall what was said before or after. The weather didn't help at all, being typically Malaysian; sunny, hot and sleep-inducing.

"And there's Fast and Furious 4, The International, and heck I haven't even had the chance to watch The Watchmen yet," With the holidays coming up the following week, I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and fighting the urge to sleep at the same time. "Hmm...and what's that guy with the video camera doing."

"About our report, how should it be done?" God, this was taking too long. This group discussion had effectively become the G8 Emergency summit on the Global Financial Crisis.

Then it went off. The P.A. system which I never knew existed throughout the whole university campus. The first time hearing it was shock and awe, literally. It was like Wow, since when did we have this P.A system and what in the world is it saying now? Then it started getting irritating. The phrases "THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS" kept repeating itself like a spoilt tape recorder.

"PLEASE EVACUATE TO THE ASSEMBLY POINT IMMEDIATELY," I was snapped back into reality. My god, it really sounds like a nagging middle-aged woman screaming loud and clear into my ear. Kein Yip had already stuffed everything inside his bag and was ready to run for his life. I followed suit, what else could I do. The stairways were already getting congested with confused and bewildered students, made worse by the mantra of the P.A. system.

"YOUR CAMERA PHONE. HELLOoooo ANYONE OUT THERE HEAR ME?" Oh fuck, that voice in my head had been trying to tell me something the very moment that dumb P.A. system erupted to life.

Out came my phone and I started video recording the whole racket. On the way downstairs, creative suggestions kept popping out. From illegal Opposition gatherings, to a bomb threat, and there was even mention of this being MTV's Punk'd where Ashton Kutcher would pop out from the top of a roof with a loudhailer and yell "YOU'VE JUST GOT PUNK'D!"

Then I saw the video camera. Everything fell into place. It! Is! A! Drill! In my so-called state of 'excitement', I think I inadvertently yelled some explicitness at the camera. Hopefully my face wasn't captured. Heck, even if it did, I can still refer to PK Lingam's Ultimate Book of Deniability for Dummies for help.

A crowd? Already? Like die-hard fans waiting for Led Zeppelin, three days before the concert. Like the millions of people doing the Haj. Or like some anti-government gathering organized by the Opposition. Damn it, and the hot and sunny sun didn't look sleep-inviting anymore. More like skin cancer-inducing.

"You you, which building are you from?"

"Huh?"

"Which building were you in when you heard the alarm?" a staff in a cool reflective jacket asked.

"Er, nine?"

"Okay, nine is over there," he pointed. "Now go there and please don't stand around in the middle."

What middle? There's a fucking middle in this, this sea of people? I ignored him and continued standing around, in the middle, watching the staff helping fainted students.

After what seemed like two and a half eternities, a Chinese guy with a faulty loudhailer came to address us. Okaay...not really what I imagined the Malaysian version of Ashton Kutcher to be, but heck, let's see what he has to say.

(*Irritating feedback from faulty loudhailer*)

"You jes got pang. YOU, jusgotpang'd. YOU!GOT!PUNK'D!" All the variants of the famous phrase flew through my mind. Ah Beng slang, Deutchland slang, Indian slang, even a Chinese version of it.

"Thank you for your utmost cooperation for today's fire drill. You all made it out very fast and I'm glad to say that everyone has done a good job. Now everyone can go back," Mr ChineseGuyWhoseNameIDunno clapped. My, that was anti-climatic.

"This would make a great blog post." Yeah, I don't need you to tell me that, now shut up voice, it's getting creepy.

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Pictars - or it didn't happen

Oh wow look! I haz videos too!

Mummy, mummy, Tommy from school said...

...that his dad was born a true Kungfu master.

Ignorance Hour - Reporting Live from Boleh Land

It came and went, just like every other friggin hour of the day. What significance it made is purely psychological and strongly suggests the placebo effect coming into play.

For those that honestly thought that they were contributing towards something, I would have to honestly say that you're honestly wrong. Maybe you haven't read my previous post.

For those that had the I-had-more-lights-off-I'm-better-than-you mentality, I'm speechless to even begin with.

For those that completely forsook Earth Hour,

YEAH MAN WE RAWK!
But hopefully for the right reason and not ignorance .__.

Those who have read my previous post will know that I am totally against this frivolous activity that is the Earth Hour. So during this 'sacred' hour, I decided to be the pembangkang. Reporting Live from Boleh Land, with pictures to boot.

While most of the houses ignorantly obeyed WWF and switched off their lights

I was quite the anarchist

Moving inside..

Lights...check
TV...check
Fan...check

Say, what's that bright thing there?

Yep, down to every last detail. Even the torch wasn't turned off.



Moving further inside...more precisely my room

Air-conditioner....check

Air-conditioner...WITH fan....check

Desktop running music and video at full volume....check

(click on the pic to enlarge)

This is LXn reporting from Boleh Land.

Hypocrite Hour

You know what I find most amusing? Hypocrites. No, not any other hypocrites, but The Hypocrites that are all hyped up about this Earth Hour crap.

Not that I don't support WWF's effort in combating global warming, I don't support how these hypocrites(not WWF) talk about "Saving the Earth" or "Remember EARTH HOUR! TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS".

The simple reason? THEY ARE HYPOCRITES.

They talk about 'Saving the Earth' when they are running a massive, power consuming overclocked computer with 4 graphic cards and 5 monitors, liquid cooled and lined up with more lights than LAX.

They talk about 'Helping the Planet' when they can't even be bothered about turning the lousy lights off after using the toilet, even when there's a SIGN telling them to do so.

They talk about 'Vote Against Global Warming' when they drive big, obscenely expensive cars that require more fuel to get from KL to Penang than what I'll ever need for the whole month.

They talk about 'Doing our Part to Help' when they don't drive big, obscenely expensive cars that require more fuel to get from KL to Penang than what I'll ever need for the whole month, but have 4 cars sitting in their garage while being single.

These people simply don't DESERVE the right to say such things.

Enough of the third party reference. Now I'm talking to YOU. Yes, there's no one behind you that I'm referring to.

If you really want to 'Help the Earth', DO IT ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS. Why wait for some massively multiplayer international event organized by some Wildlife organisation to 'Help the Earth', then totally forget about it until the next year?

Turning the switches off for one lousy hour a year isn't going to do shit if one

• Is going to turn the toilet lights back on and leave it on for the rest of the year till the next Earth Hour.
  
• Is going to drive around the country announcing that they've 'Helped the Cause against Global Warming' in their big, obscenely expensive cars.
  
• Is going to buy another car as a reward of 'Doing my part for the Planet'.
  

You get what I mean. The whole point of this was to make it a continuous habit for the whole fucking duration of our short lives. There's no point if one's going to make it a once-off affair.

Instead of Earth Hour, if one were to save just ONE(1) lousy minute of electricity every day, it would tally up to 6.08 hours of electricity saved.

1 e.m(electricity minute) x 365 = 365 e.m
365 e.m / 60 = 6.08 e.h(electricity hour)

That's like having 6 Earth Hours in a year.

So forget Earth Hour, with good habits one can save the Planet 6 times before Earth Hour can. So during Earth Hour, go on with your regular activities, just remember to TURN THE TOILET LIGHTS OFF AFTER USING IT.

P.S: WWF will come up with a 'An Earth Minute A Day' campaign if they ever see my post.