Unscientific Gazette Vol. 13 Issue 37: A Study on Oral Ulcers

***NOTE: This is a nonsense post****

ABSTRACT: A not-so-detailed study on the common oral ulcers found on every single homo sapien sp. Detailed graphs containing data points are available. Introduction of the Xn Constant, or the Xiang Ning Constant, a new constant introduced by the Great Xiang Ning.




Three detailed experiments were conducted to find out the behaviour of the common oral ulcer.


With Xn being the Xiang Ning Constant which differs in each and every individual, named after the person who discovered it, the Great Xiang Ning.

The first experiment was to study the effect of the ulcer had on the test subject for the duration it had the ulcer. This 'effect' was measured in the amount of pain the test subject felt.
From the collected data, a graph was obtained.
It shows a slow and gradual increase in pain until it peaked at around 80% its duration on the test subject. The pain level then decreased rapidly until it reached zero.
Also to be seen in the graph equation is the repeating numbers 1, 3, 3 and 7, which can be seen in different variants.


The second experiment was to test the duration of the ulcer with the locational strategicness of the ulcer.
Locational Strategicness refers to sensitive places in one's mouth that an ulcer will cause extreme discomfort. One such example of a strategic location is the tongue, where an ulcer will cause pain every single time an individual attempts to swallow.
As can be seen from the graph, the duration increases exponentially.
It was found that such ulcers tend to remain for a longer period of time, as opposed to other unstrategic ulcers. This may be explained by the fact that ulcers in these strategic locations tend to be disturbed more, thus slowing its healing and recovering process, while unstrategic ulcers are less disturbed so they can heal faster.
Once again, the numbers 1, 3, 3, 7 can be seen.

The final experiment was to find the relationship between the amount of Pain and the number of ulcers in the same area.
As can be seen from the graph, the pain increases exponentially till the test subject dies of "Death from Ulcer Overload" or DUO. Once again, it is again the result of the mind of the Great Xiang Ning that figured out the explanation.


Conclusion: The Great Xiang Ning should be awarded the Nobel Prize for Medicine for his groundbreaking study.

P.S. : No animals were hurt in the experiments.

Xiang Ning goes on a Zoo Trip!

*The author wishes to express that this post is the result of non-stop pestering and persuasion by a close friend of the author's. Under normal circumstances, the author wouldn't be bothered to come up with this post as the sheer amount of work is unbelievable. The author would hereby express great appreciation and gratitude it if feedback is given. YES I MEAN COMMENTS*

The last time I went to a zoo, I was still fat short. Now, years later and a lot more taller and good-looking, I paid another visit to the zoo. The NATIONAL zoo, mind you. The FIRST zoo in Malaysia to gain an ISO 9001:2000 recognition, whatever the Hell that is*.

*The author would like to state that he actually knows what ISO9001:2000 is, but for the sake of introducing more impact in his literature, pretends that he doesn't.

So, what was supposed to be five ended up being only three. Armed(with our cameras) and ready for the zoo.

There is, of course, Yours Truly

Joanna

And Sobri

There's not going to be much content in this post. The bulk of it are going to be in the pictures, so just sit back, wait for the pictures to load and enjoy. And by the way, I REALLY LIKE MY ELEPHANT PICTURE SET.

Random pictures of random animals

Program Pembiakan Daging Arnab Satay Kajang

Seriously, don't expect me to come up with witty quotes for each and every pictures. =S

The lions were probably the lousiest animal in the zoo. All they did was well, that.

The flamingos look like they're listening to some Ceramah conducted by DZAI.

Saw a trio of Chinese nationals with their sophisticated video recording rig. And guess what they were recording?

This.

Bearded Pork (Khinzir Bermisai)

They recently opened an aquarium in the zoo, in it all the types of animals found in the rivers and seas of Malaysia.

Caught in the act: Dinner time

Behold the BIGGEST-ass Patin I've EVAR seen. Mind you, a normal-sized Patin already costs a bomb in any Chinese restaurant. This one?

Here's my favourite set. My elephant set. Look at the texture on the elephant's skin. *drools*

I like this.

Then there was this Multianimal show. A total of TWO animals were, er, showed before the rain ruined everything.

A parrot hopping through the rings. Oh Wow.
Their next 'trick' coincidentally involved some form of 'donation'. Turns out that their star cockatoo only responds to money. Yep, almost immediately the nickname "Money-faced" comes into mind. And since I cant remember its name, it shalt be called Moneyface.
One had to hold out money, Moneyface would then fly TOWARDS the money, snatch it from your arm and fly right back to its bank, its trainer.

So yeah, this picture cost me RM1 to photograph. Fucking Moneyface wouldnt even pose for me.

Ending note: Just in case you were wondering, most of the pictures were taken with what Joanna calls the 'filmic' lens, the 50mm f/1.8 MkII, which is Canon's cheapest and lightest lens, but in no way the lousiest.

This is NOT an EMERGENCY!

*This is the author's attempt to creatively narrate his experiences in a storybook-like first person style. Some parts may be purely fictitious, while other parts are based on true events.

"...We must calculate the force acting on each....", no matter how hard I try, I never seem to be able to recall what was said before or after. The weather didn't help at all, being typically Malaysian; sunny, hot and sleep-inducing.

"And there's Fast and Furious 4, The International, and heck I haven't even had the chance to watch The Watchmen yet," With the holidays coming up the following week, I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and fighting the urge to sleep at the same time. "Hmm...and what's that guy with the video camera doing."

"About our report, how should it be done?" God, this was taking too long. This group discussion had effectively become the G8 Emergency summit on the Global Financial Crisis.

Then it went off. The P.A. system which I never knew existed throughout the whole university campus. The first time hearing it was shock and awe, literally. It was like Wow, since when did we have this P.A system and what in the world is it saying now? Then it started getting irritating. The phrases "THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS" kept repeating itself like a spoilt tape recorder.

"PLEASE EVACUATE TO THE ASSEMBLY POINT IMMEDIATELY," I was snapped back into reality. My god, it really sounds like a nagging middle-aged woman screaming loud and clear into my ear. Kein Yip had already stuffed everything inside his bag and was ready to run for his life. I followed suit, what else could I do. The stairways were already getting congested with confused and bewildered students, made worse by the mantra of the P.A. system.

"YOUR CAMERA PHONE. HELLOoooo ANYONE OUT THERE HEAR ME?" Oh fuck, that voice in my head had been trying to tell me something the very moment that dumb P.A. system erupted to life.

Out came my phone and I started video recording the whole racket. On the way downstairs, creative suggestions kept popping out. From illegal Opposition gatherings, to a bomb threat, and there was even mention of this being MTV's Punk'd where Ashton Kutcher would pop out from the top of a roof with a loudhailer and yell "YOU'VE JUST GOT PUNK'D!"

Then I saw the video camera. Everything fell into place. It! Is! A! Drill! In my so-called state of 'excitement', I think I inadvertently yelled some explicitness at the camera. Hopefully my face wasn't captured. Heck, even if it did, I can still refer to PK Lingam's Ultimate Book of Deniability for Dummies for help.

A crowd? Already? Like die-hard fans waiting for Led Zeppelin, three days before the concert. Like the millions of people doing the Haj. Or like some anti-government gathering organized by the Opposition. Damn it, and the hot and sunny sun didn't look sleep-inviting anymore. More like skin cancer-inducing.

"You you, which building are you from?"

"Huh?"

"Which building were you in when you heard the alarm?" a staff in a cool reflective jacket asked.

"Er, nine?"

"Okay, nine is over there," he pointed. "Now go there and please don't stand around in the middle."

What middle? There's a fucking middle in this, this sea of people? I ignored him and continued standing around, in the middle, watching the staff helping fainted students.

After what seemed like two and a half eternities, a Chinese guy with a faulty loudhailer came to address us. Okaay...not really what I imagined the Malaysian version of Ashton Kutcher to be, but heck, let's see what he has to say.

(*Irritating feedback from faulty loudhailer*)

"You jes got pang. YOU, jusgotpang'd. YOU!GOT!PUNK'D!" All the variants of the famous phrase flew through my mind. Ah Beng slang, Deutchland slang, Indian slang, even a Chinese version of it.

"Thank you for your utmost cooperation for today's fire drill. You all made it out very fast and I'm glad to say that everyone has done a good job. Now everyone can go back," Mr ChineseGuyWhoseNameIDunno clapped. My, that was anti-climatic.

"This would make a great blog post." Yeah, I don't need you to tell me that, now shut up voice, it's getting creepy.

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Pictars - or it didn't happen

Oh wow look! I haz videos too!

Mummy, mummy, Tommy from school said...

...that his dad was born a true Kungfu master.