Tragic Traffic Accident Sheds New Light on NDEs.

Subang Jaya: Self proclaimed Genius scientist LXN today shattered what scientists have longed believed to be true in a coincidental discovery that is now deemed by the scientific community as the discovery of the century(read Nonsensical Shit of the millennia). It was long believed that when people have near death experiences, or NDEs, they tend to “suddenly”, inexplicably obtain powers like the ability to see into the future for example.

Tombstone of Kok Shen's pocket money, donated graciously by the great LXN.

Pic courtesy of LNN

“That(link between NDEs and the “powers”), is all a load of fresh and stinking horseshit”
LXN when interviewed by Popular Sains™*

*The name Popular Sains™ was used to avoid a fucking lawsuit by Popular Science™ against LXN for illegally using their trademarked name

We were lucky enough to be able to arrange an interview with LXN as our editor, See Kia Soo was once his acquaintance. Below is a transcript of his statement.

At around approximately 9.18am this morning, our BELOVED classmate, Kok Shen was involved in a tragic traffic accident. Nope, that’s not the tragic part of the whole thing. The tragic part of it was that I was in his car when it happened.
Kok Shen was at the roundabout, there was a Nissan Frontier about to turn left to exit the roundabout. It already had its signal lights on. That is when Kok Shen came from the left and attempted to pass the Nissan. Unfortunately, with Kok Shen’s inferior driving skills, if you even call it skill, he didn’t pass the Nissan. I was tracking the Nissan from the corner of my eye when it hit Kok Shen’s car. It was there and then that I had my 0.02millisecond NDE.
OH FUCK were the first words I heard after my NDE, muttered by who else but the driver, Kok Shen. After the horrific(read pussy) collision, I heroically asked Kok Shen to pull aside as I didn’t want the drivers of other cars to suffer NDEs of their own.
It wasn’t until when I got home when I realized I had finally stumbled upon the discovery of the century(read Nonsensical Shit of the Millenia). I’d had my NDE, but WHERE THE HELL was my superhero powers? I realised that I finally had proof to prove that that NDEs were shit.

LXN’s great discovery will mean that Colleges and Universities’ lecture syllabuses would definitely have to be modified to follow LXN’s great discovery. When LXN first announced his discovery on Diskovery Channel™, there was a large outcry from both skeptics and Anti-LXN groups. These dickheads fuckers groups had gathered outside LXN’s palatial residence on top of Bukit LXN in the recently announced new Federal Territory LXN-Jaya.

Major police SWAT teams together with LXN’s personal Millitia have managed to contain the advancing fuckers groups. At the time of print, the fuckers groups have more or less dispersed, most likely due to excessive usage of mustard gas by the police.

While LXN might have made a lot of enemies with this great discovery(read shit), support for him hasn’t faltered either. From a survey conducted from our Public Relations office, 13.37% of all people interviewed supported LXN’s work. 26.74% of people said he deserved to be shot for such heresy. The rest either hung up when asked or screamed “FUCK YOU” into the receiver, then hung up.

We thank LXN for forcing our University to modify our syllabus, a process which will take at least 4 years, in which we will be FREE from all studies .
Gan Nee Na, Cowsford University

LXN ROXXORZ! LXN! IS! T3H! ROXXORZ! ROXXORZ IS T3H LXN!
Ian NotIn Sane, Taman Gembira Asylum

Correct Correct Correct! LXN LXN LXN! IS IS IS! ROXXORZ ROXXORZ ROXXORZ!
VK Lingam, soon-to-be-imprisoned Ex-lawyer

We at LNN and the public urges Kok Shen to stick this warning label on his car the next time he drives. Anyone supporting this should leave a comment. Think of it as a petition sort of thing.

We will keep our faithful readers updated on issues regarding LXN and his great discovery. Where News is Always Accurate and Fast, only here at LNN(LXN News Network).

T3h Nissan's Front Left End got own3d by Kok Shen's puny Myvi

Nah uh, those (fat) legs arent mine. They're Kok Shen's

No significant ownag3 to Kok Shen's Myvi. (I think it's reinforced Steel)